Some friends and I have noticed a growing trend in the whole foods world that we find disconcerting, and we decided to join forces to counter-act it! We believe that it’s important to eat healthy food… but that it’s not everything. Each of us is sharing our thoughts on this subject today; you’ll find links to my friend’s posts at the end of this article.
True story: the first really bad argument my DH and I ever had was actually before we were married, and involved a quite heated discussion over the merits of… get this… whole wheat versus white bread. Yup. You can guess who was on which side.
Our second really bad argument was over the music we wanted at our wedding. Actually, to be specific, it was about the music for the prelude in our wedding - you know, the part of the wedding where neither one of us would be present and therefore would not even hear the music being played? Yeah. We had some silly arguments.
The second one I let him win because, I guess, common sense (and true love, of course) prevailed. After all, what was the point of arguing about music that we wouldn’t even hear? But the first argument continued to drag on intermittently over our brief engagement (I’m serious!) until we finally reached a compromise: I would learn how to make a good white bread from scratch. I figured that was better than buying the nasty store-bought fluff that passes as bread these days.
That particular argument, though, was only the harbinger of things to come. Around the same time, I read “The Maker’s Diet” by Jordan Rubin, and I realized that everything I thought I knew about healthy food was all wrong. Or at least only partially right. Already having a distinct bent toward all things natural and healthy, this book only intensified my desire to feed my family nourishing foods. On top of which, the author, Jordan Rubin, said that he cured his colitis by eating a diet such as the one he recommends. Since my husband happens to have colitis, I threw all my efforts into over-hauling our diet so that maybe - just maybe - he could be cured of his colitis, too.
Um. Well. That didn’t work out quite so well as I thought it would.
It turns out that my husband was quite pleased with his diet the way it was and had absolutely no desire to change it, even if it would, on the off chance, improve or eliminate his colitis. By this time fully entrenched in the whole foods movement, I set out to change his mind, by sheer force if necessary. I tried my hand at wheedling. At nagging. At expounding on the benefits of whole grains and cultured dairy. At surreptitiously sneaking healthy foods into his diet. At guilt and even occasional manipulation. None of it worked. Surprisingly, it only made him mad.
I couldn’t believe it! Why was he mad at me? I was only trying to help, after all! In my mind, he should have fallen gratefully at my feet, thankful that his wife cared enough about him to serve him only the healthiest and very best food.
It took me longer than I care to admit, but finally I came to the realization that I could not - and should not - try to change my husband. Our relationship became a lot more peaceful when I stopped trying so hard to turn him into what I thought he should be, and simply accepted him the way he was (junk-food-loving fiend that he is!).
When we’re passionate about something - like good health and nutritious food - it’s easy for those passions to override our common sense, and even our love for those closest to us. Over the past few years, I’ve learned that relationships are far more important than food, and that the value of a relationship far exceeds the nutritional value of the food I eat.
Let me say that again:
Relationships are far more important than food,
and the value of a relationship far exceeds the nutritional value of the food I eat.
Simply put: food is not worth arguing about with the people I love. The preservation of the relationships I treasure is of more importance to me than the food I - or anyone else - eats. In practical terms, this means:
- I don’t offer my opinion on food and health unless somebody asks for it. (This blog is the exception. This is where I come to spout off my opinion!)
- I eat where everybody else wants to eat, even if that means a fast food restaurant.
- I don’t ask about the ingredients or method of preparation of food when I eat at someone else’s house. (Exception: if my children are eating food someone else has prepared. They have food allergies, so it’s essential that I get nosy about the food someone wants to give them. If you have any kind of dietary concerns, you understand what I mean.)
- I don’t refuse food given to me simply based on the grounds of its nutritional value (or lack there0f).
- If the situation warrants (like a pot luck dinner, or a casual dinner), I bring a healthy dish to share, but I still eat the other food that is offered.
- I occasionally buy special (and not particularly healthy) treats that my DH and children enjoy.
My DH and I have both grown since those early days of our marriage. I backed off on forcing him to change, and instead began to introduce small changes to our diet as he was receptive to them. He, in turn, relaxed and became more and more willing to try new and healthier foods. We’ve been married 6 years now, and our diet at home is at least 80% whole foods, and both of us are happy. He still gets to eat things like hot dogs and marshmallows sometimes, and I’ve completely given up on trying to get him to eat homemade yogurt, so he still eats sugar-laden store-bought stuff. But he’s also learned to enjoy healthier foods, too, like whole grain pasta… and even whole wheat bread! Yes, that argument has finally been put to rest.
And I’m happy to report that at his last check-up, his colon was completely free of inflammation! I can’t claim the credit for that; God is the one Who heals - or not - as He chooses. I also can’t forget that the condition could flare up any time, regardless of what he eats. But for now, we are both grateful that God created so many healthy and nourishing foods that are also delicious and enjoyable to eat!
Does your significant other balk at healthy food? How do you handle it?
Read the rest of The Real Truth About Real Food posts:
Linking up at:
Titus 2sdays
Women Living Well Wednesday
Healthy 2Day Wednesday
Works for me Wednesday
Freaky Friday
Love your post! It resonates with me, as my hubby and I have a similar story. I like your philosophies as well. Thank you for sharing!
Christy, The Simple Homemaker recently posted..A Realistic Perspective on Real Food in a Very Real World
Woohoo, Anne!!!! You go, girl!
I love that you just came right out and said it -relationships are more important than food. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve read that said they would rather not even go to family functions because of the food served there. That’s just plain sad to me. I’m so happy to know you’ve got your priorities in order and that you’re teaching others to do the same.
You rock.
Stacy Makes Cents recently posted..Food Is Not Your God
Thanks! And thanks for organizing this series! I love it!
I have to comment on Stacy’s comment, because that really is very, very sad that the food gets bumped ahead of the people. I agree with both you girls. You’ve got your heads on straight, and you’re wonderful!
Christy, The Simple Homemaker recently posted..A Realistic Perspective on Real Food in a Very Real World
I know; it is sad, isn’t it? Food is not the be-all and end-all! And I finally got your link up
Thank you ladies! We have just started diet changes for our family… The biggest step is removing as much processed and artificial ingredients as possible (we believe they may be contributing to one child’s behavior problems). But I am truely blessed! My husband is fully on board (We discussed the changes for about two wks before diving in) and our oldest children are reading labels themselves
But I also want them to enjoy life and not stress TOO much about it (however, if offered anything brightly colored, they KNOW it has artificial colors & decline politely)
I applaud what you ladies are doing!!
That’s great that your husband is on board! And good job training your children
I spent 23 years trying to change my husband’s eating habits! Shame on me…Now that I don’t, we have a wonderful marriage and he too has started eating so much better. I so wish someone would have told me that loving my husband was what I was called to do not nag and manipulate him. So glad you learned at a much younger age. You are a wise woman.
Lori recently posted..Children Overeating ~ Off Limits?
Oh, if you saw me day-to-day, you wouldn’t consider me all that wise 😉 I think as wives, we care so much for our husbands, it’s difficult to see them making what we consider to be bad choices, especially in regards to their health.
Thank you for this post, it really hit home with me. I have been trying to get my family to eat healthier and it hasn’t been easy. My husband loves junk food and loves to buy treats for the kids. We recently had an argument because he wanted me to buy him white bread for his sandwiches for work because it works better. I am going to go buy him some and move on!!!
I think over time, as you involve him in the choices, and gently educate, he’ll probably come around. Do you have a Great Harvest Bread near you? Or a similar bakery that uses all natural ingredients? They make really delicious white bread that’s healthier than the typical store-bought kinds. It’s kind of expensive, though. I only buy it occasionally. And you can also try the artisan bread in 5 minutes a day method - easy bread! But buying white bread for your hubby is just fine, too, and a great way to show him your love and respect.
Love this post, Anne! I think this is a very common scenario with hubbies of “whole foods” wives, and it’s good to hear your perspective. I, too, have nagged, etc. Now, I share, but I try not to make a battle of it. And…my hubby is actually reading ingredients labels and telling his own parents they are eating junk! LOL! BTW, our first BIG fight was over whether to register for a toaster (like I grew up with) or toaster oven (like he grew up with)…yes, in the middle of Bath, Bath and Beyond. Neither of us would give in, so we registered (and ending up getting!) both! We also had a fight about a year ago about using the microwave. I had a meltdown when he nuked the baby’s food! We still have the microwave, but it rarely gets used. 😉
Erin@TheHumbledHomemaker recently posted..We Can’t "Name and Claim" Our Health {The Real Truth about Real Food}
Yes, my husband has really come around over time. He jokes now that I’ve “changed him” whenever he realizes that the food he used to eat is not as good as he thought it was, or when he chooses something healthier of his own accord. Funny, he changed when I stopped trying to change him 😉 And that’s hilarious about the toaster!
I love this. I have often (in 3 years) to change my hubby’s eating habits. I have found it only causes tension. It is better if I can find the time to cook the real foods for us. When I cook, he will eat. He may avoid some of my favorite veggies but he will eat most of it. For that I am grateful. It has taken some time, but as a vegetarian/vegan I have avoided some eating with friends and family due to different eating habits. I now just eat before going so I am not hungry when I leave. It works, because of the relationships. Maybe I am just growing up. Keep on being honest, I love it when you do that:)
Thanks
And sounds like you’ve come to a great place with your hubby and other relationships!
Yay! Great post! I’m interested to hear what some real foodies who don’t agree with you would say. It’s hard to argue with your position, and yet I think we health nuts easily slip into acting like that without even realizing it! Thanks for the reminder, Anne.
Steph (The Cheapskate Cook) recently posted..On the Menu: Recovering from the Stomach Bug and an Old Fridge
I know; we get so passionate about making healthy choices that we forget about other people’s feelings!
I loved this post. Frankly, I don’t usually read all the way through long articles, I just don’t have the time. Not true this time. The spouse/food battle can be intense! My husband is more than willing to eat whatever I cook for him with praise and no complaints. Our problem (my problem) is that he eats too much and needs to lose weight but has no desire to do so.
We go through the same struggles you outlined with your whole foods battle. I am trying to learn to just be quiet.
Elizabeth recently posted..Learning Communities
Thank you! It is hard to just be quiet, especially when you feel they are making the wrong choices. But they are adults, so we have to let them do as they choose sometimes.
Anne, you have hit the nail on the head with this. I am so glad that you and your friends have spoken out on this issue.
Thanks!
Wow this post, and the others you have linked have really put into words what I was sensing was becoming an idol in my life. I couldn’t quite figure it out but I knew I was turning food into a Savior. I am going to have to start backing away from some of the blogs I’ve been reading to, i found they made me feel anxious….and hungry..and like I needed to go to the grocery store every single day and buy these special foods. This is definitely something I want to pray about and focus less on. My attention has been turned away from the Savior and I’ve made an idol out of one of his gifts. Thank you to you and the other bloggers who wrote on this topic
My husband’s actually really open to all the changes we’ve made around here. We’ve always been wheat bread eaters, and now we make our own whole wheat pasta. This morning he had 100% maple syrup instead of the corn-syrup-loaded stuff, even though both options were available. I’m lucky, I know this.
It’s hard for people to change their ways but small changes over time are usually the best way to handle that. You’re a great mom and wife!
Amy @ A Little Nosh recently posted..Food Photography with #SocialFabric
You are lucky! Syrup was another sticky issue for us (pun intended 😉 ). He’s OK with homemade syrup but he doesn’t love it. And he hates real maple syrup for some reason. That’s one of the compromises he’s willing to make for the sake of peace, lol! I totally agree that small changes are best for everyone!
Love it!!! For my hubbs and I it was hormone free milk. And yes, he’s the junk food junkie…and yes, I’ve learned not to try to change him too. We want to open a restaurant one day with fried yummy classics and super fresh healthy stuff. (While I do have an appreciation for junk food too, I have a ridiculous and ever growing number of food intolerances.) I love that you all are talking about reflecting God’s grace in how we talk and act about food! So important! Have you seen Portlandia. Hilarious when they order in the restaurant in episode 1…the only one I’ve seen…kind of a strange show. Any way, Thanks!
Miriam recently posted..Broken to be filled
Thanks, Miriam! I’ve never seen Portlandia, but now I’m curious